Grief…. Just Before Launching

It’s almost time for me to get on the road. I noticed I was ignoring a feeling deep down inside. Yes, I’m thrilled beyond imagination that I get to go explore the continent in my Airstream, Nefelibata. I’m feeling more confident that I know enough about both of my rigs, my RV and my truck, the routes, campgrounds, and all of the other details one needs to know when traveling across the continent for a few months. I know, no matter how much I plan, the universe has a sense of humor and will have its own plan for me. I’m ready. I’m ready to go and experience the journey. So what is this feeling speaking to me from deep down?

They say when you make a major change in your life you shouldn’t make any more life changing decisions. Well, in this case it seemed necessary. Everything just fell together, one thing right after another. However, what I did not expect was the accumulation of grief. And I am quite surprised to find I have a need to release a lot of sorrow and loss in a time that is quite joyous and fun. 

I sold my house, downsized into an apartment, and then made the leap to full timing in my Airstream in a park. At the same time I took an early retirement leaving my life long career and jumped on the road less traveled. I listened and honored that small voice inside that wanted to address my inner creative self. In doing all of this I am discovering I am courageous, resourceful and skilled at things beyond my wildest imagination. I am discovering I am adventurous and bold, which really means I have learned to lean on my faith more than some crazy notion that I control my destiny. I am learning to find my truth my voice and speak it. This means changes.

Change involves new ways of relating to a world of things, different choices in how I eat and exercise and take care of my physical and mental health. I have found in going through change, I change, which also changes my relationships.  Not everyone wants to go along for that ride. I shed things that no longer serve me, I also shed ways of being in that no longer work for me.

As I await my upcoming launch out onto the road and get ready to give up having a permanent parking space, I am full of excitement and joy. I also contemplate grief. As much as I am making choices that are good for me, I also am going through great loss, and nobody really tells you how to do that…. So I do it to the best of my ability. Grief, is a part of my journey. When going tiny, I have to be gentle and kind to myself and allow time for that part of the process.

 

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1 thought on “Grief…. Just Before Launching”

  1. The Alchemist by Paulo Caulo: “Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this so we can master the lessons we learned as we moved toward our dream.”
    Livin your dream!

    Liked by 1 person

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